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Submitted on
June 23, 2013
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In darkness whisper secrets,
Of stories never told.
Share your hopes and share your dreams,
Until your blood runs cold.

In the light I’ll keep them,
In an illusion that is real.
I will mould the world around you,
To erase everything you feel.

Trust me or deceive me,
Either will be my due.
In the end I will be victorious,
In the end I’m you.
Written as an add in to a book I am currently working on. What do you think?
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:iconsevenway7:
Sevenway7 Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
The poem is good. My only comment of criticism is to pay attention to grammar and technique. I noticed some lines that were not parallel and that caught my attention. Parallelism and other techniques can be simple, but can take a piece from good to excellent.
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:iconfoggylights:
Foggylights Featured By Owner May 29, 2014  Student General Artist
Oh this is a wonderful poem.  I really enjoy this slow rhythm you made and the simple rhyming every other line.  
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:iconsaevuswinds:
saevuswinds Featured By Owner May 29, 2014  Student Writer
The rhyme scheme is so strong in this. Nice tempo. Reminds me of a poem the band Shinedown once wrote for some reason. Perhaps it's due to the rhyming. 
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:iconchocoramalted:
Chocoramalted Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I really like this.
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:iconbladdneart:
Bladdneart Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
I'd turn off sunshine
So colors won't fade
I'd tie up spring breezes
So scents must stay!
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:iconcumminstgoler:
Cumminstgoler Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Great job!
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:iconmcgreevy:
Mcgreevy Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
really nice writing keep it up never stop :)
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:iconstefanmst:
stefanmst Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2014
Your poem is very intriguing and gives me a feeling of solitude. The end somehow seems positive to me... It's a nice poem! Good work!
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:iconwiliart:
Wiliart Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Nice poem, doesn't look like a happy part of the book though.
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:icontulf42:
tulf42 Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Definitely got my attention!
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